So here I sit, at 225 lbs, the most I've ever weighed while not pregnant. I've been going over a lot of things in my mind. It seems that I have a problem with eating. It may as well be termed binge eating. I sneak food, and will eat to the point of feeling sick. Why do I do this? Because I'm lonely. Bored. Overwhelmed. Sad. Tired. I feel that when I want to binge, it's always with a negative emotion at hand. I love so many people, but it seems I can't love myself. I feel that I don't deserve what I have, or the people who love me. I think "If only I was thinner, prettier, smarter".
So next time I think these negative things, I'm going to write them down. For every bad thing I write down, I'll write down something positive about myself.
I know I just need to realize that I'm only human. That it really shouldn't matter what is on the outside. I know, that for the people who matter, I AM smart, funny, and pretty, no matter what my weight is. I'm a good mother, no matter what my weight is. I can make people laugh, and I think that I can give pretty good advice. I read faster than anyone else I know, and I love giving a helping hand.
It's a small start, but at least it's a start.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
The End Is Near
The end is near. The end of unhealthy habits, the end of bad choices. I can't stand thinking I'm weighing in over 200lbs. I realize right now, I'm carrying a baby, and any weight gain is good. However, after this baby is born, things will start to change. Already, I make an effort to make healthier choices, and to make a point of walking everyday.
Even Matt is going to get into the action. He wants to lose weight and tone up as well. I think it will be better for us to forge through this adventure together. It will keep us more motivated, and much more honest. This starts(in earnest) 4 weeks after Baby Wappler is born.
I'm sick of feeling this way, and I'm sick of looking this way.
Even Matt is going to get into the action. He wants to lose weight and tone up as well. I think it will be better for us to forge through this adventure together. It will keep us more motivated, and much more honest. This starts(in earnest) 4 weeks after Baby Wappler is born.
I'm sick of feeling this way, and I'm sick of looking this way.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Friday, January 13, 2012
Friday
I really should make my posts every Monday after weigh-in, but I think that if I write my progress down on how I'm doing through the week, then I will do better. I didn't do p90x yesterday, but I did sweep, swiffer, and scrub the floors on my hands and knees, and I shoveled yesterday too. This means I also chased kids around in the snow as well. I plan on doing my workout today after Henry goes down for a nap, and then I'm going to attempt to make a meal plan for the week, so I don't fall into any traps. I hate eating salads. I shouldn't say that I hate eating salads, it just seems that everytime I try to diet, I end up eating way to many on them, and then hate what I'm eating. I do like lean proteins though. Scratch that, I love all proteins. Like yogurt, lean meat, anf fish. I've already got into the habit of drinking water regularly. We rarely buy soda, so I don't really worry about drinking my calorie intake. I think my biggest area to work on is making sure I exercise every day and that I make better choices when it comes to food. Hoping to report a two pound weight loss on Monday. Ashleigh
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Getting down to business
I'm ready to get my body back in shape. I've lost 20 and gained it back in a year. I know I can do this.
I'm on Day 3 of p90x(lean)and have been taking the dogs for walks in this unseasonably warm weather we have been having. Tomorrow we are suppose to have a snowstorm, but I know Grover would still like to take the walk. Matt has been really toning up too, and I find I'm incredibly jealous about it. He gets the time, the tools, and the equipment to get into shape. I get to make do with what I have at home, and hope that Henry takes an early nap so I have the time to work out uninterupted.
Days 1 and 2 of p90x have been hard, but do-able. I feel like I can feel my core already starting to get stronger, and I find I don't slouch as much already. My depression has been kept in check, but I'm not sure if it's from working out or the sunny and warm days we have been having.
Eating hasn't been going the best for me, so I'm trying to keep a food journal on calorieking.com. It's sort of like weight watchers, except it just uses calories instead of the points system. I like it because it can track all the nutrients of what you eat, not just your calories. You can also input the exercises you've completed through out the day, and gives you targets for weight loss. Like I want to lose around 80 lbs, but instead of jumping straight to that, I'm trying to lose 30 lbs first. That way I'm less likely to feel overwhelmed when I don't get to my end goal weight right away. I just have to keep to it.
A really big reason why I want to do this is because I want to have another baby soon, but I definetly want to look and feel good during my pregnancy. I'm tall, so I carry diffrently than a lot of other women. Like my stomach looks just long and popped out instead of like a basketball under my shirt. So if I were overweight and pregnant, I would look like an elephant.
Other goals I have for this year are to do well in school, blog more, and exercise on a daily basis to form life long habits. I would also like to take more pictures. I have a nice camera and I need to start utilizing it.
I'm on Day 3 of p90x(lean)and have been taking the dogs for walks in this unseasonably warm weather we have been having. Tomorrow we are suppose to have a snowstorm, but I know Grover would still like to take the walk. Matt has been really toning up too, and I find I'm incredibly jealous about it. He gets the time, the tools, and the equipment to get into shape. I get to make do with what I have at home, and hope that Henry takes an early nap so I have the time to work out uninterupted.
Days 1 and 2 of p90x have been hard, but do-able. I feel like I can feel my core already starting to get stronger, and I find I don't slouch as much already. My depression has been kept in check, but I'm not sure if it's from working out or the sunny and warm days we have been having.
Eating hasn't been going the best for me, so I'm trying to keep a food journal on calorieking.com. It's sort of like weight watchers, except it just uses calories instead of the points system. I like it because it can track all the nutrients of what you eat, not just your calories. You can also input the exercises you've completed through out the day, and gives you targets for weight loss. Like I want to lose around 80 lbs, but instead of jumping straight to that, I'm trying to lose 30 lbs first. That way I'm less likely to feel overwhelmed when I don't get to my end goal weight right away. I just have to keep to it.
A really big reason why I want to do this is because I want to have another baby soon, but I definetly want to look and feel good during my pregnancy. I'm tall, so I carry diffrently than a lot of other women. Like my stomach looks just long and popped out instead of like a basketball under my shirt. So if I were overweight and pregnant, I would look like an elephant.
Other goals I have for this year are to do well in school, blog more, and exercise on a daily basis to form life long habits. I would also like to take more pictures. I have a nice camera and I need to start utilizing it.
Monday, February 28, 2011
The Beginning of the End
So I definitely haven't been doing what I have set out to do. I have failed myself, and I have failed the readers of this blog, and I feel ashamed. I ended up gaining to much weight during the holidays, and not exercising at all. There aren't any excuses for it at all. I would just like to say that I am sorry. I really want to make this the beginning of the end of the battle of the bulge.
With an ending always comes new beginnings though. I am a firm believer of that thought. This past month I have really been focusing on what I eat. I don't eat well, and i haven't been making healthy decisions. I like to eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm emotional. Food is a comfort object for me. It's like the worst relationship you have ever had. It promises delight, but ends up giving you grief. You know what they say, "A moment of the lips, forever of the hips." So after some talk with family, and a lot of self reflection, I am taking this commitment to lose the weight.
I weigh 221 pounds. Last week I weighed 224 pounds. I am happy I am making a self conscious effort to lose all this extra weight. I am hoping to get down to 150 pounds. It's a reasonable goal, but one that will require hard work, determination, and a little fortitude.
Today I joined a website called CalorieKing. It's a web food and exercise diary that helps track all the calories you eat, and how many calories burned from exercise. It's main idea is to lose the weight 1-2 pounds a week, learning to maintain a healthy body weight, and to make smart choices. There is also a community board where you can talk to others. It does cost money, but is fairly cheap, and for the people pressed for time, you can write down on a scrap piece of paper what you ate or did, and put it on through your phone or later when you do have time. I know that with two children I usually don't even have time to go to the bathroom without being bothered, let alone time enough to write about what I ate and what I did for exercising. I like it so far, and it makes me more aware of what is being put into my body.
I'm hoping that with weekly weigh-ins, support from readers, and from my family that I can do this.
With an ending always comes new beginnings though. I am a firm believer of that thought. This past month I have really been focusing on what I eat. I don't eat well, and i haven't been making healthy decisions. I like to eat when I'm bored, I eat when I'm emotional. Food is a comfort object for me. It's like the worst relationship you have ever had. It promises delight, but ends up giving you grief. You know what they say, "A moment of the lips, forever of the hips." So after some talk with family, and a lot of self reflection, I am taking this commitment to lose the weight.
I weigh 221 pounds. Last week I weighed 224 pounds. I am happy I am making a self conscious effort to lose all this extra weight. I am hoping to get down to 150 pounds. It's a reasonable goal, but one that will require hard work, determination, and a little fortitude.
Today I joined a website called CalorieKing. It's a web food and exercise diary that helps track all the calories you eat, and how many calories burned from exercise. It's main idea is to lose the weight 1-2 pounds a week, learning to maintain a healthy body weight, and to make smart choices. There is also a community board where you can talk to others. It does cost money, but is fairly cheap, and for the people pressed for time, you can write down on a scrap piece of paper what you ate or did, and put it on through your phone or later when you do have time. I know that with two children I usually don't even have time to go to the bathroom without being bothered, let alone time enough to write about what I ate and what I did for exercising. I like it so far, and it makes me more aware of what is being put into my body.
I'm hoping that with weekly weigh-ins, support from readers, and from my family that I can do this.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Falling Off the Wagon
Falling off the wagon doesn't begin to describe it...it was more like jumping off the wagon. Slowly but surely I have gotten back into my old ways and got back into a slovenly rutt. Everytime I look into the mirror, or see pictures of myself I feel disgust. I want to shed this weight. I need to shed this weight. To many reasons to begin. My children. My husband. My future children. They need me, and it makes me feel pretty sad, thinking the things that I could miss out on if I don't lose this weight. I wish Matt would really join in the effort with me. It could make it so much more easier. I am worried that with the holidays fast approaching that I am really not going to be losing it, but gaining it all back, and then some. I don't know why, but some days I feel I have no self control. I could eat everything I see, or eat disgustingly unhealthy. I feel so worried about this, it is keeping me awake right now. This is me owning up to the fact that I haven't been exercising like I should, eating right like I should, and setting a good example to my children on a healthy lifestyle.
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