Falling Off the Wagon

Falling off the wagon doesn't begin to describe it...it was more like jumping off the wagon. Slowly but surely I have gotten back into my old ways and got back into a slovenly rutt. Everytime I look into the mirror, or see pictures of myself I feel disgust. I want to shed this weight. I need to shed this weight. To many reasons to begin. My children. My husband. My future children. They need me, and it makes me feel pretty sad, thinking the things that I could miss out on if I don't lose this weight. I wish Matt would really join in the effort with me. It could make it so much more easier. I am worried that with the holidays fast approaching that I am really not going to be losing it, but gaining it all back, and then some. I don't know why, but some days I feel I have no self control. I could eat everything I see, or eat disgustingly unhealthy. I feel so worried about this, it is keeping me awake right now. This is me owning up to the fact that I haven't been exercising like I should, eating right like I should, and setting a good example to my children on a healthy lifestyle.